Forgiveness?

When one receives shocking news a lot of emotions and thoughts can run through the brain. Well the idea of "forgiveness" has been jogging through my mind ever since I received my surprise of the century.

I had written a post about the emotions I went through after receiving my world rocking news, but I decided to keep that private. At least private until I figure some other things out.

But, back to the word of the day, "forgive." The hamsters in my head started turning their exercise wheels and I thought, what do I know about forgiveness? Well, Jesus forgives us everyday for the stupid things we do from horrific crimes to little white lies. In turn we are supposed to forgive others for their wrong-doings against us.

Colossians 3:13-
You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

But then I thought what is the fundamental definition behind the word "forgive." So, what do I do when I want to know what something means?

No, I don't wikipedia the answer. I only use wikipedia when I am looking up prominent people, like Corky Gonzales. Don't ask me why?

I looked up "forgive" in the good old dictionary (sorry Webster's dictionary, I used my laptop dictionary for this one). Forgive- stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. Whoa, wait, hold the phone. Forgive is the action of ceasing to feel anger toward someone. There has got to be an alternate definition some where. What about the part that states, forgive- the action of telling someone that feelings of anger or resent have ceased, but their offenses, flaws and mistakes will be held over their heads until the end of time?

See in my eyes I don't know if I have truly forgiven those who have really hurt me. When I refer to someone that has hurt me I think of pain that person has caused for years, not minor bumps and bruises from everyday life.

I think in my mind I say yes I forgave that person a long time ago, but there is always that part of me in the back of my mind reminding me of all the pain that individual put me through and forgiveness flies right out the window. We may say that we forgive others for their mistakes, but what about the really big mistakes. Sin is sin no matter what, but in the human eye there tends to be a scale that rates sin from one (being not so bad) to ten (being extremely hard to truly forgive).

God has the right to be the angriest of us all. We continually turn our backs on Him and don't give Him the glory He deserves, He takes delight in showing His mercy. This is one of those big God quandaries that I cannot wrap my brain around. How can He just forgive us like that even when we mess up continually? I guess the answer to that is His love for us and in His eyes there are no scales or ratings when it comes to our mistakes.

Micah 7:18-19
Where is another God like you, who pardons the sins of the survivors among his people? You cannot stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing mercy. Once again you will have compassion on us. you will trample our sins under your feet and throw them in to the depths of the ocean!


The idea of "forgiveness" will still be jogging around in my head for quite sometime when considering my recent news. I hope I can be like Christ and forgive the person that has consumed my thoughts, but right now all I need is time and prayer.

It's comforting to know that God forgives right on the spot. This is also a good reminder to know that God is greater than all of us.

Overflowing with Goose-bumps

This week I find myself obsessed.

I have been fixated on one single song that gave me goose-bumps. It wasn't just the song that gave me chills, it was the moment, the people I was with and the Holy Spirit flooding my heart. I have not felt that connection with Jesus in a long time and at that moment I felt like I could fly.

Some of you might be wondering what melody warranted this kind of reaction. The song is titled "With Everything" by Hillsong United. I've come to learn that this little tune has been available to the public for quite sometime now, but I just got in the loop this last weekend.

When it comes to worship I would have to say that my singing is very conservative. The only time I belt out a verse is when the music is so loud that I cannot hear myself sing. This was partly the case last Sunday at Overflow, a college and 20-somethings ministry at the Kearney Evangelical Free Church. Besides the music booming out of the speakers, I had an entire choir of young people behind me praising the God that they love. It was a very intimate moment. I cannot speak for everyone, but to me it felt that I was one on one with God crying out to him.

Acts 2:2 (NLT) gives a description of what this moment felt like.
"Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm in the skies above them, and it filled the house where they were meeting."

There is a point in the song where everyone shouts out "Whoa," and it is such a raw expression but it felt as if I was letting myself go. As my pastor would say I was being more youieyer (in other words I was being who God intended me to be) and I found immense freedom in Him.

I thank God for this experience because it has made me hungry to know Him more. I also want to thank Christ for giving the band at Overflow such unbelievable talent and for giving Hillsong the words and music to write such beautiful songs. I hope all my friends have fun at their concert in KC this Thursday and for those of you who haven't heard this song I will post a link at the end of this post.

I can't wait to have more experiences with my brothers and sisters in Christ and to get to know my Holy Father in a more intimate way. The truth about my obsession is that I am more fixated on my Savior than a melody in a song.

KG and Me

This is one of those random posts that I just felt like writing about. Enjoy or don't enjoy, the choice is yours.

Those of you who know me well know that Kevin Garnett has been my favorite player since he was drafted into the NBA back in 1995. I like him so much in fact that I root for the Celtics despite my dislike for Paul Pierce (who by the way is an "actress." Thanks for that great quote Q. Richardson.)

It is upsetting that The Big Ticket won't be on the floor for Game 2 against the Heat and I do not disagree with the ruling. Although most of the blame should be pointed at The Truth for being a baby. I am more focused on KG's critics riding him for being old and having to many miles on those long legs of his. In this regard I can relate to KG.

Don't get me wrong, I do not have analysts talking about how much my game has been lacking. Lets just say my game has been lacking since birth. I don't warrant any analysts or press time for my basketball skills.

I tend to model my game after KG. Hustle to the ball, rebound , high release on the jump shot, working the elbows and trying to play tough "D." I always leave KG's trash talking element out of my repertoire. Also, I tend to keep my elbows under control, but I have come to find out that I have razor blades for elbows. Now as I am beginning to turn the ripe age of 24 (yes 24 in Oct.) I feel the motor in me sputtering and the ladder getting shorter (for those not up to date on basketball lingo that means I can't jump as high as I used to). With that being said my mind is still able to keep up with the game, but it just forgets to let my body know that. I know I am not that old, but I still feel the affects.

KG and I respect the game and love to play it. We will play on despite what people say. On the court we will always help the team before anything else. For these reasons I can relate to KG and some people should give him a bit of a break. There are not to many 34 year olds that can play at that level.

To conclude this KG rant, I will always be a fan of The BIg Ticket and will always enjoy his game, but once he is gone I believe I will be off the Celtic bandwagon. Especially, if a Mr. Paul Pierce is still on the team.

Weight of the Wheelbarrow

I've had a couple brief moments of freedom this month. This was not a liberation from someone but more of a release from a heavy load. The weight that has been on my mind and heart has been the burden of stress.

Stress seems to be a common occurrence in my life and as my days go on the pressure and anxiety build. I worry about money constantly, I worry about the future often and I worry that I am not a responsible husband for my lovely wife.

At times I feel as if I am the village idiot pushing around a wheelbarrow with a flat tire and overflowing with heavy rocks. Each stone represents a stress and each day I struggle to drive the rusty old wheelbarrow, being ever careful not to spill one single pebble or bolder out of my cargo.

The wheelbarrow also doubles as my bed and when I lay my tired head down to bed my skull rests on the jagged edges of the rocks causing pain and strain. There are many sleepless nights thinking of what tomorrow will bring and the only time I have complete restful sleep is when I am exhausted from the days activities.

I don't have stress all day every day. I have experienced a great sense of relaxation this past week. Why you may ask? Well, the answer to finding peace in my heart and mind is in a solution that I have known for the longest time, but I always tend to lose the answer by trying to lift the weight all on my own.

Instead of fixing the stress on my own I simply let it go. I handed my entire wheelbarrow of rocks over to someone who can conquer these burdens. That someone is my Savior. Christ filled my heart and His presence was deeply felt in my life this past week. I have really missed that feeling in my life.

Matthew 11:28-29-
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls."

I forget that God can handle my problems with ease. I was actually able to fully enjoy time with my wife this past weekend and I was able to appreciate a simple and quiet night at home. Absolutely no worry about employment and bills.

This village idiot in me will tend to show up from time to time, but I pray that God continues to reveal His truths to me. I will continue to seek God and hopefully I receive more moments of freedom and get a break from the wheelbarrow.

God is in control and I am nothing without Him!